self love – Life with Charli

Interviewing Pamela Topjian: Part One

Hello everyone! Welcome to Life with Charli for those who are visiting for the first time! Welcome back to those who are familiar with my blog! In this post, I’m very excited to welcome a special guest! Her name is Pamela Topjian! She is a mental health and holistic health advocate! She runs the podcast Holistic Connections: Conversations with holistic practitioners, and she has a YouTube channel where you can also find her podcast videos! She is also the author of two memoirs. Her first memoir is called “I Didn’t Come This Far, to Only Come THIS Far”. Pamela shares the trauma she experienced throughout her life, including abuse in her first two marriages, in this memoir. Her second memoir is Behind The Mask, Scrubs and Gloves, which touches on her experience as a nurse. I had the pleasure of interviewing Pamela recently, and I share part our conversation in this post! I hope you gain inspiration from reading this.

Content warning: talk of abuse and suicide. If you or a loved one us experiencing abuse please reach out for help. If you live in the United States, click here to contact the National Demostic Violence Hotline. If you or a loved one is considering self harm, contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 at any time.

Enjoy the interview!

Tell me about your current healthy marriage. How did you find the courage to trust and find love again after your abusive past relationships?

Pamela

That’s a very good question, cause I always said “I’ll never marry again, I’ll never marry again”, and I wasn’t even dating for a relationship. I wouldn’t have been able to without going through therapy first. I had to look at what I learned from my past and knowing how I got to that point in my life with the first two marriages, and then looking at what I would do differently.

This is kinda one of the things we went through in therapy is, like, ok this situation with this past relationship, what would you do differently now? Or what are some red flags that you maybe missed or ignored at that time? So learning from the past relationships is what helped me to be in a healthier relationship now. And then, you know, gaining self respect and learning what is acceptable and having healthy boundaries as well. Being able to say no to whatever doesn’t feel right for me, or whatever feels disrespectful, or doesn’t feel safe, you know? So through therapy is the main answer. You know? I would not have been able to be in a healthy relationship, not without going through therapy.

Charli

Wow! Absolutely. Absolutely. I completely understand that. And how did therapy help you to love yourself and trust that person with your love?

Pamela

Yeah, it was just through connecting the dots and through understanding how I got to that place in my life. You know? How I got to that place. Cause going through therapy was during a mental breakdown, which we touch on later in these questions. I was at the lowest I’ve ever been, so you learn to connect the dots and connect those puzzle pieces, and figure out how did I get to this low point from where I came from. How did I get here? And then being able to understand all that really helps to gain self confidence. And talking about what you’ve learned from it all makes you trust yourself more again.

It’s like “oh ok”, cause, you know, so many people will say “oh my picker is broken” if they keep having bad relationships one after the other. But what they don’t understand is that can be sort of fixed.

Well, that’s not the best term to use in mental health the term “fixed”, but when people say “my picker is broken”, then you can fix that picker, really, by learning from the past mistakes rather than just saying “oh this terrible thing happened. Oh this terrible thing happened”, and looking at it as “what did I learn from that?, What was good that came out from that? What would I do differently now?”, or what was good out of that? But also what was not acceptable from that. What was the point that was this was too much, this was unacceptable? So learning from those things really makes a big difference.

Charli

Absolutely! Absolutely! I get that! Like, knowing what to accept and what you shouldn’t accept in a relationship. Learning about that. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Tell me about the title of your first memoir “I didn’t come this far to only come this far”. What made you give your book this title?

Pamela

So when I first went through therapy, during that mental breakdown, I felt like I climbed out a very deep dark hole, and so I couldn’t do everything that it took to claw myself out of that deep dark hole and then just sit at the edge of that cliff. You know what I mean? I didn’t come all the way through that to just be here at this place. You know? At the edge of it and not move forward.

So I had to move away from it. I couldn’t have just made it through all that I did, all those suicidal thoughts, and all the work that I had done for healing, I couldn’t just get there and be like “ok, ok. Now I feel better. I’m just gonna sit here at the edge of this cliff and look down at that deep dark hole and be like ‘I made it!’. For me anyway, I felt like you had to keep going to make my life purposeful. I might not have made it, so there has to be a reason. So I didn’t come all this way, I didn’t come this far to only come this far. You know?

What moment or breakthrough during your solo cross-country trip made you say, “I didn’t come this far to only come this far”?

Pamela

I don’t feel like I was really feeling that way at the time. Really, that was after therapy, like I just explained, which was after the bus ride. But just the fact that I was still alive after having a plan for suicide, I had to just hang on to hope. So, just the fact that I didn’t carry out that plan, and I got on that bus, and I was going for a last ditch effort to move far away for a fresh start, whatever. The same kinda thing. I’m not still here for no reason. So it’s just really holding on to hope.

Charli

Absolutely. Beautiful. I like that. I think a lot of times we find that moment where we say “ok, I just feel like I wanna keep going” like you said before. I wanna keep pushing forward. This up, an upward motion. Sometimes it takes that moment for us to find that breakthrough.

Pamela

Right. Yeah, I think they talk about rock bottom. It’s usually with alcoholism, or drug addiction, or something, but you can totally hit rock bottom in other ways. Even not having to do with substance abuse or anything, but just your own trauma can make you drop down to that rock bottom place to where you’re anxious, and depressed, and suicidal, and unable to function. Even that can be your rock bottom that you have to decide at that point “Am I gonna stay under this rock or try to get out of it?”.

Writing a memoir takes incredible vulnerability. Did you find the 5-year process of writing your story to be triggering?

Pamela

Absolutely. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It felt really important to do though. So honestly, I knew that it was healing. It was cathartic writing it all out. And I started writing it all out as a journal as I was going through therapy. I was writing as a journal to help myself connect those dots and put those puzzle pieces together. So that was the reason I was writing it. But then later, decided I was gonna publish it and turn it in to a memoir.

So yeah, during the time of writing it, I was having flashbacks, and I hadn’t had flashbacks before, flashbacks of abuse. I was having nightmares. But yeah, just understanding how I got to those points in life, and like I said, connecting the dots, and putting those puzzle pieces together, and being able to get it out of me, to write it down and get all those words and experiences out of me and down out on paper was really healing. And so, it was triggering, but I knew it was one of those hurdles you had to go through.

Charli

Wow. Wow. Really interesting. What particularly made you decide I want people to know about my journey, about this and to publish it?

Pamela

Yeah, so I was reading other memoirs and during the time I was in therapy, and I was writing my journal, and I was reading memoirs of other women who had made it out of difficult situations, a lot of them much more horrific than what I had been through, but I know that so many women, so many people, have been through the same kinds of things that I have.

I mean, nobody has the same exact lives or stories, but people go through similar things. So I knew that there was plenty of women, too many women, who had been through similar situations that I have been through. And so I thought, as I was reading theses other ones, it helped me to realize, oh, if they can get out of that horrific situation to go on to love their life and not just survive but to thrive, if they can do it, why not me? You know? So I felt like my story can be helpful to someone too. Cause a lot of those stories, as I was talking about before, a lot of those stories are people who had been through addiction or substance abuse, or something that might be a little bit different than my story, and things that we hear more about, those kinds of stories. Or people who have been through really really horrific things that people can’t even imagine, like child trafficking and stuff like that, or cult abuse, and just really really horrific things. Or even a lot of physical and sexual abuse and stuff throughout their childhood, some really really horrific things, and they want to get out of it. So I felt like my story was a little more relatable to a lot of people. I just thought, oh my story might help somebody too.

Charli

Amazing! And to piggyback off of our other questions, it’s amazing that you were inspired by other stories. For me personally, I know that made me want to receive help, and that made me also want to share my journey too. So for you, when you started receiving help, did others inspire you to also recieve help?

Pamela

I wouldn’t say that others did. So I started therapy because I had went to the doctor. I was a nurse at the time, and I was thinking more medical and I thought “We’ll I can’t sleep and I have so much anxiety”. I was going to the doctor for something to help me sleep, cause that just makes everything worse if you’re not sleeping. And I was having nightmares and stuff too when I did fall asleep. So even the act of trying to fall asleep was causing anxiety, cause I had so many bad nightmares.

So I went to the doctor and it was the doctor who said “yes, I’ll give you some medication, but I also want to have you go to therapy”. So yeah, it was really the doctor. I didn’t have people in my life encouraging me to go to therapy. It was the doctor.

Charli

And when the doctor told you you should go to therapy, what was your response? Were you hesitant to go to therapy?

Pamela

Well at the time, and this is so funny, but at the time, I didn’t know why I was having this reaction. So I had just had a second divorce from an abusive marriage, and when I divorced him I thought, and this is just before the mental breakdown, I thought “oh my gosh everything’s gonna be wonderful now”. You know what I mean? I was just so excited to not have that in my life anymore, to be on my own, but then everything from my childhood and my whole life just came crashing down on me and I spiraled downward. But at the time I didn’t realize it.

When I was at the doctor’s office, I did not realize what was causing all of this. And I thought “what am I gonna say to a therapist? I can’t get over my second divorce? Even though I’m the one who divorced and it was abusive and I wanted out and I needed out?” It wasn’t the person. I wasn’t missing him. It wasn’t like that. It was just I was fearful all the time.

One of the reasons I moved far was partially because I didn’t know if I would see him at the grocery store or he would show up at my job. He didn’t know where I had moved, but I didn’t know if he stayed in the same town. So I was always fearful, and I thought that was the reason. So when it continued after I moved half way across the country, I was so confused as to why this was happening.

So when the doctor told me that, I thought “what am I gonna say to the therapist?”. I was like “I don’t even know what I’m gonna say, but if you think so”. And to be honest with you, the doctor really wanted me to go into a facility. You wouldn’t recognize me. I mean, the person I was sitting in the doctor’s office, I was ringing my hands, I was almost shaking. I could not focus. To sit in a waiting room with other people, it was so scary to me. To drive there was a really difficult task. Just to drive to the doctor’s office, or to go to a store. A lot of times I’d go to a store and I’d leave before I got everything I need cause I just could not handle it. So, he wanted me to go into a facility, and I was like “I’m not suicidal. I don’t wanna go into a facility”. And I promised that I would be ok, and that I would definitely go to that first appointment. So I talked him out of it actually, which is surprising. I talked him out of sending me some place and started out-patient therapy.

So, I want to mention something else that I was thinking about when you talked about the reason for writing the memoir. Another reason is I’ve got two adult children, and I thought if the suicidal thoughts won, if I wasn’t gonna make it out of this, I wanted them to have the whole picture as to what happened. This was Mom’s life. This is what happened. This is what happened that got her to that point in life. And I wanted them to have that story. And then also my father died young, my mother now has the beginnings of dementia, and I don’t have a whole lot of information on their childhood and even young adult life. I would like my kids, when I’m gone, to have it all written out. You know? Cause I would have loved to have that with my parents.

Charli

That’s touching! Wow! To have your children know this is your Mom’s story.

Pamela

Yeah. And I think that would be really cool. I don’t have grandchildren yet. I mean, I still may, but even with nieces and nephews, or their children, I’m gonna be somebody’s ancestor someday. And I think it would be really cool if I had some ancestor, some great aunt, or even a great great grandmother, or somebody from long long ago, if I had a memoir of their whole life story…

Charli

Oh that would be amazing! It would be so amazing to know this is what was going on in their time, this is what was going on in their life. I think that’s amazing.

What advice do you have for blog readers who want to share their own trauma stories but are terrified of being judged?

Pamela

I would let them know that it can be incredibly healing to get it all out of you, whether you write about it or talk about it like on podcasts, it helps, but to also know that it can help others to not feel so alone, because others have been through so much that they don’t talk about and they feel so alone in their pain. So, those that judge may not have had similar experiences, and they just don’t understand how it can feel for somebody, or they have, maybe, and think that you should just keep things secret and not air dirty laundry or put your trauma out there for the public to see. But keep in mind how helpful it can be for those who are afraid to speak about it, and it may even save a life.

So, as you age, when you’re younger you might worry about being judged, but as you age you don’t care as much what other people think. But also if they’re judging, that’s just showing that they don’t understand, and that’s ok. Not everybody is going to understand. You know? You just have to know that it’s something that’s important to you and very helpful to you, and that’s what matter’s most. Even if others are gonna judge it.

Charli

I love that! I love that, because a lot of women don’t report or want to report their abuse, they don’t report their trauma, and they don’t tell their story. And it can be so encouraging, it can be so helpful, to hear someone else share their story. And they can feel open to sharing “this is what happened to me”.

Pamela

Yeah. And I think I answered this in other questions too, but it helps to know somebody made it out of that. It’s not just a story of trauma, it’s also a story of healing at the end.

Charli

Yes! I love that point of view! I mean, yes you’ve been a victim, but you also are a survivor. You’ve made it through that point in your life where you can say “I made it through that. I’m strong”.

Pamela

Yeah. And just knowing that somebody else did, that helps to know that you can too.

Your life is a masterclass in starting over. What mindset shift is required to successfully reinvent yourself when everything feels broken?

Pamela

So before I answer this, this is my third book. So I’m writing my third book about reinventing myself. The first book is so much trauma and everything I’ve been through, and at the end it’s about healing. The second book is everything I’ve been through as a nurse. I wanted to write a book that was focused more on the healing and the rebuilding than all the trauma. So yeah.

So I guess the mindset shift is to have hope and know it’s possible. That and to learn from the past and to have gratitude for everything positive in your life. That’s the mindset that you have to have as you’re rebuilding. Not to focus on all the trauma, and not to focus on all the things that were bad, but to focus on, and even if you’re writing everything out that was traumatic, focus on what’s good now.

You know, a lot of my childhood we were hungry. We lived in poverty. We didn’t have food to eat a lot of the time. So even just to be thankful for a meal. You don’t have to be religious to give thanks for your meal. Every little thing really. I mean, if you have ever lived in poverty, you know you are wearing your clothes until the last thread. You can’t get a lot of things you even really need a lot of the time, let alone things you want. So every little thing, be thankful for that. And I think holding on to that gratitude helps you to reach for more as you’re going through your healing.

What advice do you have for people who feel it is too late in life to make changes or achievements?

Pamela

Making changes can be done as long as you have your mind and you have your breath. It’s really never too late. It can start with just knowing that it’s possible and holding on to hope. You don’t have to know where or how to achieve that big goal, but one small change or movement in the direction at the time is all it takes. You don’t have to know “how am I gonna get there from here? It’s like you’re at the bottom of that hole and it’s like “I don’t know how I’m gonna get up at the top. I just know that I want to. I’m just gonna keep climbing one little step at a time”. That reminded me of that quote “you don’t have to take the whole staircase at once”. You just take it one step at a time. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. If you’re driving somewhere, you don’t have to see the destination to drive there. You’re just going one mile at a time.

Charli

I love that. I think a lot of people will be encouraged by that. I know for me, I’m a perfectionist. I know “I want to get to this route”. And I wanna plan everything, and “this is how I wanna get there, this is where I wanna go”. And sometimes when things don’t happen the way I want them to, I get so bent out of shape, I get so down. And I think it’s encouraging to know take your time. You don’t have to be perfect to get to your destination. You don’t even have to perfectly know your destination.

Pamela

Right. And sometimes it can be one steps forward and two steps back. Just inching your way up, you know? I changed careers in my 50s. I took took new classes and courses in my 50s. I started therapy when I was 50. I started painting. I wrote my memoirs in my 50s. I’m 60 now. I’m writing a third memoir. And there people that are much older that are famous people. You can easily look it up. What famous people didn’t start till they were much older? There’s plenty of them that you know of, that you’ve heard of, that didn’t start until much later in life.

So if you’re feeling like you’re too old, like I said, if you still have your mind about you and you’re still breathing, you can make changes for the better.

Thankyou, Pamela, for taking the time to do this interview! It was truly a pleasure and honor speaking with you!

Get to know Pamela more!
Find her on her podcast, YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok

Buy her first book: I Didn’t Come This Far, to Only Come THIS Far

Buy her second book: Behind The Mask, Scrubs and Gloves

I’m on Tiny Buddha: Part Two

Hi all! Welcome back to my blog! For those here for the first time, I’m glad to have you here! I have news! I’m on Tiny Buddha again!

If you don’t already know, my blog focuses on sharing my story about living with mental health and disability, so my first post for Tiny Buddha focused on my insecurities with still not having my life figured out as an older woman. You can read that post here.

Imagine my joy and excitement when Ms. Deschene responded to my first request to publish a post on her blog! It’s so exciting to be back with another post to share on Tiny Buddha! Ms. Deschene is honestly so lovely and kind and has such a wonderful inspiring platform! I’m so grateful to share my experiences and thoughts on it! A very heartfelt thankyou to Lori Deschene! You can read my second post on Tiny Buddha here.

Thankyou for visiting, and I’ll see in the next post!

Charli 💋

Coffee, Smoothies, and Confidence

Hello all, and welcome back to my blog! In a recent post, I discussed spending more time with my family and how it’s been helping my mental health. I talked about visiting a cafe with a family member. It was amazing bonding with him, and we plan to visit that cafe again.

On another day, I and that same family member went to smoothie shop with another family member. The three of us bought different smoothies, but we also tried each other’s drinks. I loved all three! We even talked for a while with the owner of the store. He was so pleasant and easy to talk to. We’ll definitely be returning to that smoothie shop!

In a post I wrote a while ago called Judgements and Assumptions, I talked about my social anxiety. I went in to detail about how I assume people are always judging me, and that made me nervous. Even interacting with people I know well caused anxiety. I’m still learning to be more confident, but I’ve come a long way since I wrote Judgments and Assumptions. I’m feeling more comfortable in family gatherings, and moments like at the cafe and smoothie shop showed me that my family enjoys spending time with me.

I still get nervous from time to time, but I’m learning to push through the anxiety by embracing who I really am. I also remind myself that I am loved. Realistically, not everyone is going to like you, but that is ok. You also have people you will always be in your corner.

Here is a reminder that you have worth, and a little encouragement to step out of your comfort zone.

Until next time. 💋 xoxo

Body and Mind

Hello everyone! Welcome back to my blog! I’m so sorry I’ve been away for a while! Life definitely has a way of keeping us busy! However, I made sure to have some down time too. For a long time now, I’ve been talking a lot about my mental health. For those who are new to my blog, I suffer from depression. It took a long time for me to start seeing a therapist and even longer for me to start psychiatric medication. I didn’t want to admit that I had a mental illness, but I was in desperate need of help. My mental health was so bad that medical staff asked if I would like to be hospitalized during my consultation to start therapy. I declined hospitalization. The staff respected my decision, but connected me with a therapist and psychiatrist right away. I started seeing a therapist every week and a psychiatrist every month. I was given the contact information for my mental health team and the Suicide Prevention Hotline, all of which I used frequently. I’m very grateful for the efforts of my mental health team, and I’m happy to share that I’m seeing a therapist and psychiatrist once a month now. I’m to the point where I can’t fully remember the last time I had a depressive episode or contacted the suicide prevention hotline. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

My improved mental health has had a wonderful impact on my everyday life, particularly my social life. I’ve always had a very close relationship with my family, but now I’ve become even closer with them since my mental health started improving. I used keep to myself and avoid family gatherings, feeling my presence wasn’t wanted or a burden. I know better now, and know how much I’m loved. I regret missing out on so many moments with my family. I don’t take spending time with them for granted anymore, and treasure each moment. Last summer, I went to a barbecue where I had lots of fun, and in the Fall we went to a farm. We took so many pictures at the farm and picked lots of apples. Just last week, one of my siblings and I went to a cafe. We made ourselves comfortable and bonded over a yummy donut and delicious coffee. We also bonded on our walk to and from the cafe. My depression made me feel isolated, and if I was still struggling, I would have missed out on building precious memories with my family.

Now that my mental health is looking good, I’ve been trying to get my physical health in order as well. Mental and physical health compliment each other after all. I want to look as good as I feel. I’ve started gaining a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Late last year, my father and I agreed to start putting some exercise into our schedules for the new year. We’ve been keeping our promise to each other so far, but it definitely hasn’t been easy. Not only has exercising been helping with my physical health, it has helped with my already close relationship with my Dad. Exercising together has brought us even closer.

The start of my mental health journey was definitely a turning point for me. I have changed for the better. During a conversation with my pastor at church recently, he asked if there was a period in my life I would return to. I answered there is no time in my life I would return to. “I’m happy with the life I have now” I said. For once, I really meant it.

100 posts! Let’s Celebrate!

I just received a notification from WordPress that said I’ve published over 100 posts on the platform! Yay me! But seriously, this is wonderful. One of my fears when I started blogging was that I would run of ideas to write. Here I am nearly six years and 100 posts later, and I’m still going. I started this blog because I believe everyone has an interesting and important story to tell, and I wanted to share mine.

Sharing my story and experiences has been a wonderful journey so far. I’ve talked a lot about my experience with a genetic disorder called Turner syndrome on my blog. For years after I was diagnosed as a teenager, I kept my condition to myself, only sharing it with a very select few people. As I grew older, I started advocating for myself, and I needed people to understand what my day to day life is like as a woman with Turner syndrome. This inspired me to share my story. One of my first blog posts was “Imperfectly Perfect: Life with Turner Syndrome”. The truth is, I actually wrote this blog post for a major magazine. I submitted it, but never heard back from any representative from the magazine company. That’s when I decided to create my own platform. That’s how Life with Charli came about! I was nervous about starting a blog, but I realized that if I wanted more awareness on Turner syndrome, I needed to be comfortable with sharing my story.

I have also talked a lot about dealing with mental illness on my blog. I have mentioned many times on my blog that was hesitant to start therapy and medication for my mental illness. To be honest, even up to the time I started my blog, I was still hesitant. However, I noticed a lot of other bloggers boldly talking about mental illness with no shame. Then, one day, I asked on one of X, then Twitter, if anyone would like to share their story on my blog.

I was so happy when I got a response from a fellow writer Lesley Skinner. When Lesley told me that she wanted to write about mental illness, I gladly collaborated with her and published “Christianity and Mental Health”. Around that time, a fellow blogger, Nadine, shouted me out as a fellow mental health advocate.

I was shocked, because I didn’t see myself as one. However, I happily accepted the praise. It wasn’t really my intention to focus on mental health, but looking back, that was a topic I have been talking about from my very first post “This is Life: Your Purpose, Your gift”, which focused on self love. Other early posts that followed also focused on mental health, like “Judgements and Assumptions”, which focused on social anxiety. I just did not realize how connected to mental health those posts were. I was just writing my experience. Amazingly, people were listening responding so positively to what I had to say. Little did my fellow bloggers know, though, that I was listening to them too. I decided to reach out for help with my mental illness like so many of my fellow bloggers, and was officially diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder.

It felt so good to finally be getting help. I’m very grateful to the bloggers who have had an influence on my mental health and blogging journey. With the beautiful feedback I have been receiving throughout my time blogging, I know my story has reached others as well. For instance, a beautiful soul took the time to send this email to me:

A very warm thankyou to you my friend, and to all those who have been supporting me through all this time. If you are sharing your story online like me, know that people are watching and listening. You are making an impact on someone’s life. Keep sharing your story.

Thankyou for visiting and helping me celebrate 100 published posts. Here’s to 100 more.

My Mental Health journey so far and looking forward in 2025

Picture taken from Pixabay

Hello everyone! Well guys, we are at the beginning of a new year again! As I was thinking about what I wanted to post next on my blog, I began thinking about how far I have come on my journey with working on my mental health. I started working on my mental health in 2020. I started from being afraid of going to therapy to firmly advocating for it. I went from being against psychiatric medication to believing in their effectiveness.

My journey has not been easy, and I have had a few depressive episodes and break downs. Last year though, I am proud to say that I have not had any depressive episodes or breakdowns. I’ve been feeling more confident than I’ve ever felt before. I’m doing so well with my mental health that I am even having less therapy sessions. At the beginning of my mental health journey, I was going to therapy 3 times a week. That’s how bad my mental health was. Now I’m seeing a therapist once every two weeks. My mental health is not perfect, but I feel so different than I felt before starting my mental health journey. I never thought I would reach to a point where I would be able to say I truly loved myself. I have never felt better. I am very much looking forward to another year of mental stability.

Guest Post: A Letter of Self Love and Strength

Last time, Arlene and I talked about self love. You can view our first collaboration post here. This time around, the focus is on trying to move on mistakes or traumas. We decided to write letters to ourselves, and post the letters on each other’s blogs. Below, you will find Arlene’s letter to herself:

Dear Angie,

Your life has been about overcoming challenges, breaking through barriers, and moving

forward. Ironically, I know you’ve never asked for much, yet the love and support you’ve longed for seem out of reach. I want you

to realize how proud I am of your resilience and how far you’ve come. I can’t think of anyone else who has faced the trials you have and decided to rise above them. You’ve had the perfect excuse to give up if you wanted to.

I understand how exhausting and draining it can be a

t times. Seeing how much of a journey still lies ahead can be disheartening. It’s like swirling the entire ocean, only to find that the shore is still

far away.

Now that you have the incredible tools and knowledge you wish you had from the beginning, it brings up an inevitable question: If you know what you have left to do, why don’t you do it?

Morpheus

expressed it more eloquently in his response:”Sooner or later, you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

We both know you know better, so What’s holding you back from moving on, dear?

I know you’ve been trying to take care of your mom for as long as you can remember.

Despite your efforts to detach, surrender, accept, honor, and support her, it seems there’s still a small yet big step to take.

Acceptance and

resistance both have many layers. You might think you’ve moved past something until it catches you off guard.

Spending each day by your mother’s side causes you sorrow and drains your energy. It’s challenging to accept that there’s nothing more you can do for her

, and both of you need to move on. With numerous changes and challenges, you need to continue with your life, while she needs to follow the natural course of life as well. The days seem long and unbearable for her.

Facing the inevitable, especially knowing she wants to move out of your home

, feels like you’re pulling a trigger in a way. It’s like a one-way ticket.

The thought of a care facility is burdensome and unpleasant to you. Ironically, your mother would be better cared for there than at home, and it would also give you a break from the

the constant stress of dealing with nurses, medicines, and everything else.

Maybe deep down, you know it’s not just

about her; it’s about your whole life

changing. The uncertainty of what’s to come is

both exhilarating and terrifying. Perhaps you’re using the situation with your mom as a shield, almost a symbol.

She is the last link you have with your known life of origin. Everything else seems to be spiraling. It’s a positive spiral, yes, but a dizzying one. Your whole life is new.

I understand you may feel alone in the world

.I encourage you to continue your spiritual journey, filling the void, and moving on with love and purpose.

Keep moving forward, Angie.

About Arlene

Arlene is a blogger, Systemic & Family Constellation Practitioner, Energy Healer, and Trauma Specialization student. You can click here to visit her blog. You can also visit Arlene on social media and say hello!

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When Loving Yourself is a Struggle

Picture taken from Pixabay

Hi all! Welcome back to my blog! How many of you heard about the concept of the angel and the demon on your shoulders? I am playing the role of the demon on the shoulder and will be talking about my insecurities. Fellow blogger Arlene De Angelis will be playing the role of the angel and will be responding to my post. Arlene has a beautiful blog that focuses on helping her readers learn to love themselves. Her posts are in both English and Spanish! Arlene’s posts come from her experience as a Systemic & Family Constellation Practitioner, Energy Healer, and Trauma Specialization student. I had a great time collaborating with her and talking with her! She is honestly so sweet, and you’d definitely feel uplifted by her posts! So visit her blog and check it out!

Without further ado my half of the post is below:

I’ve been bullied since I was small. I can’t help but feel there are too many things wrong with me, and people notice them right away. I don’t like my back, because I have scoliosis. My posture is horrible. I also don’t like that I’ve gained a lot of weight recently. Maybe I need to really need to lower the amount of food I’m eating. I should skip breakfast or lunch from now on. I also don’t like my feet. I’m never wearing sandals! Sometimes I wish I were someone else. I don’t know what to do.

To read Arlene’s response please click here: https://arlenedeangelis.com/is-disliking-yourself-getting-you-somewhere-you-want-to-go/ and read some of her other posts while there as well! You can also visit her socials to say hello!

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Learning to Love Yourself with Wednesday

Bianca: “You’re lucky”

Wednesday: “Do tell.”

Bianca: “You don’t care what people think of you.”

Photo taken from Netflix

I mentioned in a previous post that I don’t have much luck with guys. I actually don’t have much luck with people in general. At least that’s what I can’t get myself to stop thinking all the time.

“That person thinks I’m weird”, I would often tell a family member.

“Why do you think that?”, they would often ask, reminding me that what I’m think is not fact.

“People tend to be selfish and are mostly thinking about themselves”, my therapist would always remind me.

No matter how hard I try to keep what I’m told in mind, it’s often hard for me not to think about what’s others are thinking about me. While watching “Wednesday”, what stuck out to to me was how different I am from the titular character. She genuinely doesn’t care about what people think about her. I care a bit too much about what people think about me. Some professionals who analyzed the show think Wednesday might have autism. This might be why she has so much trouble showing her emotions. I, on the other hand, have borderline personality disorder and often have trouble keeping my emotions in check.

What really caught my attention about Wednesday, however, is that she knows she’s different and accepts that. Her viral dance sequence shows this most. She’s confident and not afraid to be herself. What I love most is that though there are some scenes when she sometimes feels insecure and afraid of being alone and eventually allows friends to have a little influence on her, none of this changes who she is at her core. Wednesday will allows be Wednesday, and through the rough patches, her friends start to accept this. They don’t try to change her. Instead, the relationship that Wednesday has with her friends is reciprocal, especially with her best friend Enid. Wednesday starts the series feeling she is better off alone, and Enid starts the series feeling insecure. The series ends with Wednesday fully accepting Enid’s friendship and Enid gaining confidence.

Watching Wednesday really put into perspective for me how hard it can be to feel different from others, but how easy it can feel to be ok with that when you are comfortable with yourself and have people around you who accept you for who you are. I am definitely still a work in progress, but I am learning to love myself, and when people tell me they love me the way I am, I am learning to believe them.

My Hair Journey: How I Fell in Love with my Hair

Growing up, I had a love-hate relationship with my hair. I am a woman of African descent, and people with African roots generally have what we call “kinky” or “coily” hair. I used to love when my mother would style my hair in beautiful braids, and the compliments I would get about them. However, I hated how hard it was for me to style my hair myself. My hair was unruly and difficult to deal with, or at least that’s what I thought.

I had my hair relaxed for the first time when I was still a small child. It was for a wedding. I was still very young, but I was old enough to remember that when I looked in the mirror, I thought I never looked more beautiful. I felt more beautiful too. I also felt like my hair was much more manageable. I didn’t get another relaxer put into my hair again until my late teens, but I continued to straighten my hair with flat irons. In other words, through heat. My hair started to become very damaged from all the heat and chemicals, and I eventually decided to do a “big chop”, or cut off the damaged, relaxed parts of my hair. In the end, I was left with a bit of a buzz cut. As my hair started to grow back, I took the time to learn how to properly take care of my hair and style it.

Many Black women around the world are forgoing the flat iron and relaxers, opting to wear our hair in its natural state instead. A natural hair movement is taking place, and many influencers and companies that sell hair care products have been benefitting from it. Many natural hairstyling videos have been popping up on YouTube to teach black women who choose to go natural how to care for their hair, as well as how to style it. Companies that have been creating haircare products geared towards black women are gaining attention. In fact, in the recent years, there has been a decline in hair relaxer sales. In light of this, some haircare companies that have been previously focused on selling hair straightening products are jumping on the natural hair movement bandwagon.

The movement is not meant to discourage black women from getting relaxers, but rather to encourage each other to feel beautiful and confident regardless of how we choose to wear our hair. I believe there is a lesson every woman can take away from the natural hair movement: you are beautiful just the way you are. It doesn’t matter what our hair texture or skin color might be. We are all queens. After all, diversity is beautiful. Gone are the days when I thought of my hair as unattractive. When I cut my hair, I wasn’t sure I would want to stay natural. Then I looked in the mirror, and thought I never looked more beautiful.