April 2019 – Life with Charli

Because Every day is Mother’s Day

When I was a small girl, I was told about a young woman whose house burst into flames. While trying to escape, the woman’s only concern was her infant daughter. The baby girl came out of the ordeal just fine. The woman was not as fortunate. She suffered severe burns from the fire that left terrible scars. As the baby girl grew older, she started to become ashamed of her mother. She always avoided carrying friends over to her house. Her mother eventually died one day, and it wasn’t until then when the girl realized how much she took her mother for granted. It wasn’t until then when she was reminded that her mother only had terrible scars because of her desire to protect her daughter.

My parents told me that story, and it was was only one of many discussions I had with my parents that reminded me not to take anything precious in my life for granted. Another incident was when I was talking with my father while we were listening to the radio. A commercial for 1-800-flowers played suddenly, and after the commercial finished my father asked “Do you know when they make the most money outside of valentine’s day?”

“No.” I answered.

“Mother’s day.” he said.

He went onto tell me that he would have to do his research to know if he was actually correct, but he was sure that mother’s day was one of the times in the year that brought in a lot of money for companies like 1-800-flowers. The reason he mentioned for this was he believes a lot of adults wait until Mother’s Day to show affection to their mothers. We are sometimes too busy to give any attention to our parents, so Mother’s Day is one of those special days to do so. However, even on Mother’s Day some of us wouldn’t set time aside to spend with our mothers. We would simply order some flowers from a company like 1-800-flowers, and have them sent to our mothers.

This new week marks the end of April, and Mother’s Day is right around the corner. Every day is Mother’s Day in my book. Here’s a little reminder to reach out and show some appreciation to the mothers in our lives. If you are a mother reading this, whether you’re a biological mother, an adoptive mother, a step mother, or a foster mother, happy Mother’s Day from Life with Charli!

Christianity and Mental Health

Guest Submission by Lesley Skinner, Christian Blogger: visit her site and subscribe to her blog at https://doinglifewithhislight.com

Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/LesleyDlwhl

Facebook Page: https://m.facebook.com/doinglifewithhislight/

In any given year, 1 in 5 people in Canada will experience a mental health problem or illness (Canadian Mental Health Association, 2019). This means either yourself or someone you know has experienced mental health issues. Therefore, it is obvious Christians are not bypassed when it comes to the experience of mental health issues. The daily living mental health battles are very real for many Christians. Although similarities in the overall experience of mental health issues exists between Christians and Non- Christians, Christians do face unique challenges which can hinder their progress or help their progress towards managing and improving their mental health.

Stigma

When it comes to experiencing mental health issues something all people face is stigma. The Canadian Association of Mental Health says fear and misunderstanding often lead to prejudice against people with mental illness and addictions. Although it seems there are more campaigns in communities designed to decrease stigma and increase awareness about daily life challenges experienced by people who have mental health issues, the stigma surrounding persons who have mental health issues still exists. Unfortunately, education about mental health does not alter the thoughts and perceptions of all people in society and, therefore, stigma may always be a challenge faced by people experiencing mental health problems.

With regard to stigma, in contrast to non-believers, Christians may face a unique challenge. According to Pastor Stephen Altrogge in his article entitled “Is Mental Illness Considered Biblical?”, in the Christian world there are some people who believe mental health issues are not biblical. He explains the belief, for example, that being depressed is just the feeling of sadness and medical treatment defies the power of God to be sufficient in meeting your every need. Medical treatment for mental health issues is thought of as just a man made solution to a spiritual problem. Therefore, Christians feeling this stigma within their Christian circles will experience increased feelings of hopelessness, shame and this thinking can create a serious barrier for Christians to reach out for help and impact prompt diagnosis and treatment. Pastor Altrogge states, “If we’re going to effectively care for fellow Christians who struggle with mental illness, we need to recognize that mental illness is a real thing. We aren’t only souls. Rather, we are a complex composition of soul and body. Let’s make sure we address both the soul and the body.”

Spiritual Battle: A Closer Look

Mental illness is real and requires medical help just like any physical illness, but spiritual battles do exist and cannot be ignored. Someone once said to me, “Just as there is a positive and uplifting supernatural power supporting us and rooting for us on earth, we cannot forget there is also a negative supernatural power which exists to work against Gods plan for your life, to tear you down and destroy your destiny.” These words rang true to me and I am reminded of them every time depression creeps into my life. I am reminded not to forget the spiritual battle that do exist between good and evil in every facet of our daily lives. In order to examine all things which can be influencing our mental health, we cannot leave out examining the fact a spiritual battle may be happening and influencing your thoughts in a negative and mind altering way.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I came that they may have life and have it abundantly – John 10:10

If you are a Christian and are working diligently for God, you can be rest assured you will experience spiritual battles in your life as the enemy seeks to steal your joy and give you mental unrest.

If you are a Christian and are working diligently for God, you can be rest assured you will experience spiritual battles in your life as the enemy seeks to steal your joy and give you mental unrest. – Ephesians 6:12

Excessive and persistent negative thoughts and emotions is definitely a way the enemy can attack and try to stop you in your tracks. In the book “Battlefield of the Mind” by well known author Joyce Meyer, she says “The devil is a liar…He lies to you and me. He tells us things about ourselves, about other people and about circumstances that are just not true.”

The Christian awareness of how the enemy can attack our mind and affect our thoughts prompts us to reflect on this fact in times of mental unrest. This exploration and reflection helps the believer progress toward improving their mental health status. Many people who are not in tune spiritually may never realize the possibility of a supernatural battle existing in their life and hence do not spend the time reflecting and taking action against it.

Spiritual Battle: Fighting Back

How do Christians know if the negative thoughts and feelings experienced could be due to spiritual warefare? The answer to this lies with spiritual intuition provided by the Holy Spirit. Spiritual decernment through teachings of the Lord and through the work of the Holy Spirit helps Christians recognize and respond appropriately to situations which are not of God and, therefore, distinguish good from evil.

But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil- Hebrews 5:14

This scripture teaches that just like a child develops to the point where they can eat solid food, Christian’s also develop and mature to be able to better distinguish good from evil with learning and practice. For example, in my experience living with depression, I have experienced attacks which, based on reflection, has been due to spiritual warfare. When I am on a roll for Christ by moving deeper in the Word, following God’s leading, and working on His behalf through different initiatives both inside and outside the church, I will experience an attack of the enemy -Guaranteed. I may not recognize it immediately, but when the realization does come, I immediately get to work to take back control of my thoughts and my mind. You see the enemy knows your every weakness and, in my situation, the knowledge my mental health is vulnerable to attack places it in the enemies direct line of fire. For me, in the beginning of my Christian experience with spiritual warefare, it would make me pull away from God because of how uncomfortable the push back from the dark side would make me feel. But through guidance from my pastors and through my own reading and research, I have learned steps to take to overcome enemy attack, put the devil in his place, and gain control of my emotions and thoughts. His intimidation tactics no longer keep me from moving forward in Christ because over time, through maturity and practice, I have learned to identify what’s happening, ways to push back and overcome the devils strongholds in my mind. Freedom from attack may not happen over night, but it happens just the same with persistence and when you come out the other side, the victory is glorious as the experience moves you closer to God and you grow further in your Christian walk.

Spiritual Battle: Weapons of Attack

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteouysness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. – Ephesians 6: 13-17

This scripture reminds us to focus on your salvation, your faith, Gods promises and His truths located in His Word, and use them as weapons of attack. In my experience, starting with prayer and a frank discussion with God about your thoughts and feelings followed by asking Him to intervene to assist you in overcoming your negative thoughts and negative emotions has to be the starting point. From there focusing on the truths and promises of God, listening to and singing worship songs either in my mind or out loud, are ways I use to fight my battles. Writing has also become my new outlet. Here are some uplifting scriptures great for meditation and reflection to help cast down every negative thought and bring them into alignment with Jesus Christ:

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak -Isaiah 40:29

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand -Isaiah 41:10

No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD – Isaiah 54:17

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future-Jeremiah 29:11

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go -Joshua 1:9

The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 27:1

There are many powerful and uplifting scriptures which can help remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you have a father who loves you unconditionally, and He is there with you at all times to help you win your battles and to strengthen and encourage you. The more you meditate on His Word the more you will be able to draw upon its strength it provides in times of trouble. Joyce Meyer said in her book, mentioned earlier, “Truth is one of the most powerful weapons against the kingdom of darkness. Truth is light, and the Bible says that darkness has never overpowered the light, and it never will. Satan wants to keep things hidden in darkness, but the Holy Spirit wants to bring them into the light and deal with them, so you and I can be truly and genuinely free.”

Supporting Christians. With Mental Health Issues: Suggestions for Support Persons

From my experience living with depression and experiencing cycles of depression for many years, I am going to share with you a few of my thoughts about how to best help a person who comes to you to open up and talk about their struggles. This is the strategy I have found most helpful:

Develop Rapport: Instead of jumping right in and offering solutions, get to know the person and develop rapport. This will foster trust in the relationship and then the person, when you do start discussing solutions, will be more receptive to hearing them and will be more likely to follow through with suggestions. To develop rapport let the person know they are safe talking to you, you are interested in hearing all about everything which is bothering them and you are open to helping them figure out the next steps. Make sure when you talk you are in an environment where there are no distractions which can interrupt conversation and you have the time to sit, be attentive, and listen.
Speak Truth into the Conversation: While you are actively listening to conversation, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you with the right words to say to speak truth into their life. Sometimes a person will need to be reminded: what they are feeling is ok, you are glad they reached out, no one on earth is free from facing challenges, and no matter what they are facing God loves them unconditionally and offers them redemption and forgiveness and help. If you are led to pray at any point during the conversation, do it. Follow your leading.
Do not cause feeling of shame and guilt: In conversation with a person during the first 2 steps described above, it is imperative not to ask the questions: How is your prayer life lately? Have you been spending time with God? Have you been reading your bible lately? or make statements like: I noticed you haven’t been in church the last couple of Sundays, you know that not going to church is not a good coping strategy right? When someone is in a crisis situation which has prompted them to talk, the last thing you want to do is make them question their Christian walk and dredge up more shame and guilt. If this is a mental health issue like depression, for example, there may very well be well be well researched motivational issues affecting the persons ability to participate the way they would like in church, in their devotions, and in their prayer life so asking these questions does not help the persons self-esteem or their Christian walk. But encouraging the person to come to church for prayer and support the upcoming Sunday is a great approach in helping to motivate a person to stay connected to church and to God.
Help them determine next steps: Once conversation has happened as suggested above, helping someone determine next steps might be a simple question, “So, what do you feel like your next steps should be?” People often jump into telling people what they think they should do instead of letting the Holy Spirit work through the conversation to give the person insight into what the next step in their journey should be. Often times, people will make their own plans for their next step and all you have to do is support their choice or help them to think more about the choices they are making if you feel they may not be headed in the right direction. Open ended questions like, “If you do x, do you think it will help you get to where you need to be? Or do you think Y might be a better approach?” Actively engage the person in their own problem-solving and finding their own solutions providing guidance and encouragement to help the process.
End in Prayer: Close conversation in prayer thanking God for his intervention, and asking him to bless the plan chosen. If you feel like you should meet again and the feeling is mutual, then make plans to meet again.

Obviously, conversations may not go this smoothly depending on the situation you find yourself in. But for someone who is not suicidal, who has insight into their situation, and can be helped to come up with a rational next step on their journey, then this approach my be helpful. It is the approach I found most useful when I needed help and reached out to asked for assistance when I needed it over the past 6 years since becoming Christian.

Supporting Yourself When You Are going Through Deep Waters

As someone who is living with a mental illness, I know what it feels like and for all skeptics out there- its REAL. If you are reading this and are going through deep waters my friend, I want you to know you are not alone! I want you to know you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. I want you to know that, although it may not feel like it, what you are going through is temporary and you WILL get through this bump in the road.

Dear Friend, this is what I have come to realize on my journey and I feel in my spirit you should know this today:

It’s ok to say “No”
It’s ok to set healthy boundaries- whatever that may look like for you
It’s ok not to feel ok
It’s ok not to be perfect
It’s ok to ask for help
It’s ok to seek medical attention- mental health is real and medical advice IS needed
It’s ok to seek professional counselling- I have had counselling many times throughout my 17 year illness. Research shows a combination of counselling and medical treatment is the best combination in treating mental health issues. Find yourself a good Christian counsellor who can provide the Christian insight and truth you need to help you on your journey

In conclusion, the mental health illness experience is Real and Christians are not exempt in this life from experiencing challenges to their mental health. Christians need to seek medical advice, get medical treatment, but at the same time be aware spiritual battles do exist. Christians need to consider the possibility they could be facing a spiritual battle and, in combination with medical treatment, examine and reflect on this truth either themselves or with the help of a Pastor or Christian counsellor. Christians also need the right peer support to help them find the right spirit led direction without the relationship leading to the exacerbation of feelings of shame and guilt.

My prayer today is this post has blessed someone. If you feel this is important information to share to shed light on Christianity and Mental Health and to help Christians who may be experiencing challenges, please share.

Resources

Canadian Association of Mental Health (2019). Addressing Stigma. Retrieved from: https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/addressing-stigma

Pastor Steven Altrogge. Is Mental Health Considered Biblical? Retrieved from: https://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/stephen-altrogge/is-mental-illness-actually-biblical.html

Meyer, Joyce (1995). Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in your Mind. New York, NY: updated FaithWords Edition 2011

Judgments and Assumptions

I made a new friend recently. I was invited to a function by a relative. I’m a bit of an introvert, but since I really wanted to support my relative I made an effort to show up. I’m usually shy around unfamiliar people, so I was nervous about going to the function. However, as soon as I started talking with one of my relative’s friends, she made the butterflies fly away almost instantly. She was so friendly that I felt very comfortable talking with her.

Part of the reason I get nervous when meeting new people is that sometimes I feel they will automatically think the worst of me. I’m afraid that I might leave a bad first impression. My social anxiety can sometimes be so bad that I like to avoid group meetings if I can help it. I also tend to spend hours picking an outfit for a simple, casual meeting. To top it all off, my brain would often go into overdrive trying to figure out what was going on in the mind of someone I just met. I find myself thinking that he or she probably found me weird or awkward, and might not be interested in getting to know me. Maybe I did something the person found odd or offensive. My family members often try to reassure me that most likely not one of those thoughts are in the heads of most people I meet.

In my last post, I talked about judging others before getting to know them. We often make a lot of assumptions about others based on their outward characteristics. For instance, if one sees a woman covered in diamonds, he or she would assume the woman is rich. I’ve come to realize that these are not the only types of assumptions we make, however. We also make assumptions about how others might perceive us. In my case, I sometimes assume everyone will quickly judge me before getting to know me. By doing so I sometimes don’t give others a chance at building a relationship with me, because I put up a wall. I feel the need to guard myself.

Talking with my relative’s friend helped me to step out of my comfort zone a little more. Even a couple of minutes after the function had already ended, we continued to enjoy each other’s company. We even discussed arranging a meeting sometime in the near future. That day, I was reminded that while there are those who might judge me without fully knowing me, not everyone is that way. I was reminded that not every person is the same, and that’s why I should give people I meet a chance, especially if that’s the same treatment I expect from them.

The Liebster Award

I was recently nominated for the Liebster Award by fellow blogger, Jessica Carter. I started blogging just around a month ago, so imagine my surprise when my blog received recognition already in just that short time! Thankyou so much Jessica! Be sure to check her awesome and resourceful blog! If you’re interested in the teaching profession, this is the blog for you! Jessica also has other posts with wonderful tips about college life, language learning, and blogging! Here’s the link: http://welcometospanish1.com/

About the Liebster Award

The Liebster Award is an online award given by bloggers to other bloggers to recognize new upcoming blogs.

Rules

1.Thank the nominator, and provide an link to their blog.

2. Answer the 11 questions the nominator asked.

3. Nominate 11 bloggers for the award (this award is for new and upcoming bloggers)

4. Come with 11 new questions to ask your nominees.

Questions

What would be your death-row meal?

Definitely a nice home cooked meal made by my parents

2. What is your favorite genre of book to read?

Hard! If I really had to choose though, I would say realistic fiction.

3. If you had an unlimited travel budget, where would you go and for how long?

I would go to Spain or Costa Rica, and stay for about a year maybe. Maybe I would be able to pick up some spanish during my stay!

4. Would you prefer to be rich and hated or loved and poor?

Loved and poor!

5. Why do you blog?

I want to share my experiences. The world would be a much better place if we all tried to understand each other.

6. If you could meet anyone alive or dead, who would it be?

Another hard question! But if I really had to pick I would choose…Paul from the Bible!

7. What’s the most crazy and reckless thing you’ve ever done?

I’m not very reckless or much of a risk taker! I would probably say starting this blog though, since I’m a pretty private person!

8. What’s your favorite blog post that you’ve written?

My latest post: Disability: Seeing the Unseen. It’s definitely been my most popular one so far!

9. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Another hard question, but here are my three wises

World peace
Everyone to get help accomplishing their dreams
A little money!

10. Which would you prefer, living in the city or the country?

The country

11. What’s your favorite movie?

How to Train Your Dragon

My nominees (be sure to visit their lovely blogs):

Picking 11 out of all of the wonderful new blogs I’ve been reading was difficult, but here are my nominees:

Michelle Sanders – https://mxchelleex.wordpress.com/
Laura – https://laurapeat01.blog
Lauren – http://www.lifestyleoflauren.org
Jeremeé Duncan – https://overpoweringmswithkids.com
Jessica Harris – https://jessierenea.com/
I won’t say I’m in love with reading – https://iwontsayiminlovewithreading.wordpress.com/
Dopamine Queen – https://dopaminequeen.com/
Heidi Caedere – http://howtorelationship101.blogspot.com/
Lesley Skinner – https://doinglifewithhislight.com/
Nadine – https://homeofunderstanding.blog
Not Quite Carrie – https://notquitecarrie.com

My questions:

What your favorite color?
What’s your favorite snack to eat?
Do you like salty treats or do you have more of a sweet tooth?
What’s your favorite music genre?
Do you like taking risks or do you prefer playing it safe?
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
How do get inspiration for blog posts?
How would improve your blog moving forward?
How did you choose your blog niche?
What’s your favorite tv show?
Can you play an instrument?